Self-Love – it can feel like such false advertising at times….It’s sounds all nice and pink and rosy, where in reality, it can feel more like choking yourself ….

Self-love is only the hardest thing in the world, when you’re not doing it.

It gets easier…I promise….

Self-love is a practice, its something we need to work at. Unfortunately it doesn’t come naturally to us anymore because we misunderstand it as selfishness or narcissism, which actually have opposing vibrations to self-love. Because of this we end up judging ourselves when it comes to self-love and are resistant towards it.

When we are not in a loving place towards ourselves, self-love can feel impossible. I know it did for me and the very words made me gag, I found them cringe-worthy. It’s now my absolute passion and something I believe, is at the very core of all of our unhappiness. Like any practice it’s uncomfortable at first, but gets easier…….with practice.

The more self-loving acts we make the more natural it comes to us. You know when you first learn to drive you are thinking about every single step, you are fully focused on every move and what you need to do in each and every situation. Its terrifying and frustrating, you doubt yourself and you’re pretty sure you might kill someone along the way. But you keep going out in your car until one day you are driving along, singing your heart out to “Life in the Fast Lane” and you’re not even thinking about what you need to do. It’s just happening, you are in motion and it feels really good….really good. Self-love is a lot like this.

But just like driving, you can’t take your eyes completely off the road either. Self-love is a continual practice and while its gets so much easier, to the point it becomes really joyful and rewarding, new challenges will come into our lives allowing us opportunities to demonstrate our love to ourselves and develop it further.

So how can you develop this relationship with yourself?

Unfortunately, looking in the mirror and saying I love myself didn’t cut it for me. Mantras have a place and they will get you so far, but you can’t trick yourself into believing something that you don’t. You can tell yourself you love yourself 1000 times a day, but if it’s not what you believe at your absolute core, it’s not going to cut it. You need to truly believe something for your being to accept it.

So how do you truly believe you love yourself, when really……you don’t?

I used 2 approaches

I began to create evidence that would change my belief…..

We need to create experiences that prove that we do indeed love ourselves, in order to contradict our current belief that we don’t

The best way to develop self-love is to become self-loving, by practising self loving acts.

My absolute favourite thing about self-love and what makes it feel so much more like love than chocking yourself is that self-love is self-perpetuating. Start with one small thing that feels self-loving to you, this will make you feel more loved, which in turn, will generate more self-loving acts.

Then I started to question what I didn’t love? As long as I felt there were aspects of myself that were not worthy of love, self-love was incredibly difficult for me, it was a false-pretence. It’s like having to pretend you love someones kids when you can’t get away from them quick enough.

Rather then trying to cloud your darkness with a pretty blanket of affirmations and positive thoughts that you don’t truly believe, try acknowledging it. Go right into the aspects of yourself that you don’t like, feel them, be with them, speak compassionately to them, allow them to be there. You’ll find they won’t stick around for too long once you do.

It’s through loving our darkness that we see our light.

 

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